Even the pictures remind me of it

But I didn’t do it.

I remain a coward –

A heartless bitch.

Remember to smile, the pictures say.

Are they mocking me?

Playing tricks on me?

I know I forgot –

I didn’t forget.

I said I was a coward;

I’m a complete idiot.

I tell myself it’s too early to smile

I tell myself it’s not worth it –

I’m not worth it,

I’ll never be worth it.

I’ll never be good enough for you,

I’ll never be pretty enough –

Or skinny enough.

Why bother?

Why care?

Why be brave?

I don’t know how to show it,

I don’t know where to find the courage.

I’m pathetic, I know

It’s one of many parts of myself I hate.

I’m the great pretender –

I pretend I don’t care

When I see you, but I do.

I might be a coward,

But I care, I really do.




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