Scribblings

3 May 2013, 23:27

I used to walk these hall every day. And every day, I dreaded walking these halls. What would they say? What would they do? Would they measure what I was wearing; how messy my hair was; how little make-up I had on? Never did I walk these halls with my head held high. I looked down. Out of fear. Fear of what might happen if my eyes caught theirs.

            What ya lookin’ at, freak?

I used to walk these halls afraid. I used to look at the floor, at people’s feet. Being back brings back memories, memories that still haunts me in my sleep, memories that turn my dreams to nightmares. Being back is making me wish I didn’t return. It’s too soon. So much has changed, and yet so little. It’s all coming back to me. I remember everything. How I used to hide out in the library. How being around books, especially the old classics – the love stories – became my comfort. My escape.

            Why did I come back for this? Why did I return? These people gave me nothing.

I returned for one reason, and one reason only: to show them I got over it. That no matter how much they tried, they could not break me. I returned to get my revenge. However, now I’m not sure I made the right decision. If I turned around and exited the building, no one would even know I had been here. It would be as it used to be. I would walk these halls as a ghost; a ghost longing for the great escape.

She stopped next to a row of lockers, took a deep breath and decided it wasn’t worth the pain. Instead of entering, she turned around and walked back the way she had come. That’s when she saw him. Her heart picked up the pace; her cheeks started burning. All she wanted was to disappear. Become the freak people didn’t always notice; one among the crowd.

There was only one problem, there was no crowd. He had seen her and she saw recognition in his eyes. Her feet was rooted to the spot. He was walking towards her and she couldn’t move. He looked even better now than he did in high school. College had been good to him and he was handsome in his suit. The closer he got, the more her body was shaking. She was so certain he had seen her. But, instead of saying hello, he walked past her and continued towards the cafeteria. Her heart exploded with pain and anger. She felt hurt. How could he still hate her after all these years?

Why did she come back for this? She should have known nothing good could have come from it. The people here had never given her anything. Her revenge wasn’t worth it. She was still walking these halls as a ghost. What good was revenge if they didn’t notice her – if they didn’t see her?

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