Scribblings

Afterwork

Alright, so here’s the thing: I’ve tried to stay anonymous. I’ve tried to hide behind the words that I write. I’ve tried to hide among common people. I’ve come to realise it’s not easy. It takes a lot of effort and hard work…

They call me ‘hell’. They call me ‘Stacey’. They call me ‘her’. They call me ‘Jane’. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. They call me ‘quiet’. But I’m a riot. Mary-Jo-Lisa. Always the same. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. That’s not my name. 

Hell, actually that is my name. I applaud you. I salute you, even! After all these years you can still call me by my name! How on earth did you manage that? [sarcasm]

The past few months I’ve hated who I’ve become. But now? Oh, now life is pretty awesome – dare I say great? And it keeps coming down to being yourself.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve renamed this blog from Scribblings of a Dreamer to Gone with the Wind on Wuthering Heights. In a way that sentence is an exact description of how I’ve been feeling for the past months. Yes, I’m perfectly aware that I haven’t changed the web address but don’t you worry about that because that my dear will never happen.

Tonight, I realised something. No, wait – this past week I’ve gradually come to realise something. Something that I deep down always have known but never lived by. Now, I can honestly say I’m living by it as well:

I’m being myself… and it is a self I’ve come to love! Self-esteem is a great thing…

This might end the post on a rude not, however, I don’t care. Be offended if you must. Here goes nothing. Hope grows inside me when I see people bigger than me out and about with people who [appears to] love them… it gives me hope that someday I’ll meet the cliche! Someday I too will experience this crazy little thing they call love!

I bet you’re picturing someone fat – someone gigantic/enormous in fact. But let me stop your fantasies right here and now… I’m not fat… I have what they nowadays call curves.

I know a lot of things and I’ve learnt a lot during my lifetime. But can someone please teach me how to flirt? But I have to warn you. I’m a lost cause…

Because who in this world could ever love a monster like me…?

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