You were never here
We were never meant to be
I didn’t open my eyes and see
I let it drift away, into the sea

My heart knows better than I know
It starts with a little feeling
Then it grows, bigger and bigger
Until the heart decides to let go.

Will you walk with me,
Along the deserted road?
Hold my hand and lead me safely home?
Will you take me with you,
On your journey towards the end?

(© October, 2014)

Poem · Uncategorized

I have a dream

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now (Bill Cosby). Life waits for no one. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans (John Lennon). Hard work pays off. In the end it will be worth it. Everything I did, I did to make my dream come true. Countless hours spent at the library and countless cups of coffee. . Just hope it has been enough. All the roads I’ve taken has finally led me to this. Once again I find myself at a crossroad – this time I now which road I want to take. I just hope my efforts haven’t been in vain. I just hope my efforts have’t been for nothing. One week from now I’ll have my answer. The answer to my question. Will my dream come true?

Maybe I have hopes too high for life?
Maybe I expect too much?
Thinking, hoping and wishing
Dreams that will never come true.
I am a victim of my own mind
I am my worst critic.
I dream big and have high hopes
What if nothing works out?
Then again what if it does?

It has always been the same dream…
I walk the streets with a book bag on my shoulder; music blasting in my ears. I’m on my way to the library; THE library.  Surrounded by books; old and new, the library has an atmosphere making you want to study – it’s motivating you. It’s where I belong. Finally, I’m home. After studying I’m once again walking the streets. I’m on my way to my favorite coffee shop in this town. It’s neither too big nor too small; just the right size. The waitress/waiter recognizes me and tells me my regular will be right up. I find a vacant seat by the window, find my book and disappear into a different world. Sometimes I would also write as I take in the world just outside the window. People hurrying by; some off to meetings, others talking on their phone. All of them drink their coffee on the go. Everyone is in a hurry. Not taking breaks. Not stopping for anything. They’re always on their way from something, to something else. They don’t stop for a second and just enjoy life. Listen to the silence.  My coffee arrives and I’m brought back to reality. I still can’t believe this is my life; how far I’ve come. I worked hard to get here, spent countless hours studying but for this it was all worth it. Trust me. It was worth because I get to live my dream. 

This isn’t my life, yet. It’s just a dream. It’s always just a dream. Always the same dream. Every time I wake up I’, back in my cold [messy] room. But I will live my dream. Someday I will wake up and my room will be in that town. I will walk those streets, drink that coffee and study at that library. Someday it won’t just be a dream. Someday it will be my life!


Take a walk,
Forget time and place
Walk over the bridge
Feel  fear fill your body
And the heart in your throat

Stop the thoughts
From running wild
Put on some music
And forget the world
Just for a little while

Let your mind go
To its happy place
Smile, please don’t cry
This life is not bad
It’s not bad at all

Let your shoulders down
You’re too young to worry
Forget your troubles
Things will fall into place
And don’t worry it will all be okay




You can check your closet;
You can check under your bed
But you won’t find any monsters.

The monsters live in your head.
They take many shapes and many forms.
They keep you from sleep and –
Give you nightmares instead of dreams.

The monsters are what you fear the most.
They are your imagination.
They know how to scare you.

What keeps the monsters at bay?
What keeps the monsters away?



Do not turn away from fear
Do not hide away your tears
Follow the empty path
It will take you where you wish to go
Show your strength, your weakness, your fear
It’s time to live and wipe your tears



First you’re going to smile.

But then what?

What to do next?


That’s the scary part.

Not knowing what will happen.  

What happens after the smile?


Will it be returned or will be it ignored?

Will your dreams be crushed?

Or will your dreams come true?


It’s time to take chances –  

Let down the wall

You need to open up and let people in

First you’re going to smile.

Take a chance –

See what happens 



I’m still a coward –

And a heartless bitch

I’m a heartbreaker,

I’m cold as ice

What am I afraid of?

What do I have to lose?

What do my eyes hide?

Can you see my soul?

I’m the great pretender

Pretending that I don’t care

Ignore you

When all I want is to meet your eyes

What am I afraid of?

What do I have to lose?

You were never mine

I have nothing to lose 

I’m arrogant; a coward; 

A heartless bitch

I’m afraid to fall 

But still, I want it all 




Even the pictures remind me of it

But I didn’t do it.

I remain a coward –

A heartless bitch.

Remember to smile, the pictures say.

Are they mocking me?

Playing tricks on me?

I know I forgot –

I didn’t forget.

I said I was a coward;

I’m a complete idiot.

I tell myself it’s too early to smile

I tell myself it’s not worth it –

I’m not worth it,

I’ll never be worth it.

I’ll never be good enough for you,

I’ll never be pretty enough –

Or skinny enough.

Why bother?

Why care?

Why be brave?

I don’t know how to show it,

I don’t know where to find the courage.

I’m pathetic, I know

It’s one of many parts of myself I hate.

I’m the great pretender –

I pretend I don’t care

When I see you, but I do.

I might be a coward,

But I care, I really do.



I tell myself to be brave.

I tell myself tomorrow is the day,

Then tomorrow comes

But I remain the coward I always have been –

Always will be:

I look at the ground; forget to smile.

Then I scream inside

Wishing I could punch myself

Asking myself why – why didn’t I?

I want to rewind

Get a second chance

And maybe, just maybe

I’ll finally get it right

But I won’t, I know I won’t

I doubt I ever will

It’s a vicious circle I find myself in,

I’ll never get it right.

Why do I never learn?

I’ll get a second chance tomorrow

At least I think I will.

But how many chances does a person get?

Someday it has to end, right?

I tell myself to be brave

I tell myself tomorrow is the day

When I’ll finally be brave

I won’t be a coward

I won’t look at the ground,

And I’m going to smile

Because tomorrow, I’ll be brave.



A newfound spirit from deep within

A white sheet of paper, no words to begin

Rooted in fear, the eye shed a tear

Bright blue sky makes shadows come alive

Try to remember the words I know

A desperate need to fill the white paper

I have to do it now and not a moment later

A mind divided between the two

Who to be; what to choose?

Would you believe the words I write?

Can I trust you with my soul open wide?

Some three little words I would like to say

I’m done with hiding them away

Willing to take chances, willing to get hurt

You need to handle pain before joy

A few little words could change it all

If only I didn’t feel so small

I might have told it all

No mind divided between the two

I know who to be and what to choose

I’m ready to face what comes ahead

So what if tears might be shed

I’m willing to do what it takes

Because all I want is to be loved…