Poem

I’m still a coward –

And a heartless bitch

I’m a heartbreaker,

I’m cold as ice

What am I afraid of?

What do I have to lose?

What do my eyes hide?

Can you see my soul?

I’m the great pretender

Pretending that I don’t care

Ignore you

When all I want is to meet your eyes

What am I afraid of?

What do I have to lose?

You were never mine

I have nothing to lose 

I’m arrogant; a coward; 

A heartless bitch

I’m afraid to fall 

But still, I want it all 

 

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Poem

Even the pictures remind me of it

But I didn’t do it.

I remain a coward –

A heartless bitch.

Remember to smile, the pictures say.

Are they mocking me?

Playing tricks on me?

I know I forgot –

I didn’t forget.

I said I was a coward;

I’m a complete idiot.

I tell myself it’s too early to smile

I tell myself it’s not worth it –

I’m not worth it,

I’ll never be worth it.

I’ll never be good enough for you,

I’ll never be pretty enough –

Or skinny enough.

Why bother?

Why care?

Why be brave?

I don’t know how to show it,

I don’t know where to find the courage.

I’m pathetic, I know

It’s one of many parts of myself I hate.

I’m the great pretender –

I pretend I don’t care

When I see you, but I do.

I might be a coward,

But I care, I really do.

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Poem

I tell myself to be brave.

I tell myself tomorrow is the day,

Then tomorrow comes

But I remain the coward I always have been –

Always will be:

I look at the ground; forget to smile.

Then I scream inside

Wishing I could punch myself

Asking myself why – why didn’t I?

I want to rewind

Get a second chance

And maybe, just maybe

I’ll finally get it right

But I won’t, I know I won’t

I doubt I ever will

It’s a vicious circle I find myself in,

I’ll never get it right.

Why do I never learn?

I’ll get a second chance tomorrow

At least I think I will.

But how many chances does a person get?

Someday it has to end, right?

I tell myself to be brave

I tell myself tomorrow is the day

When I’ll finally be brave

I won’t be a coward

I won’t look at the ground,

And I’m going to smile

Because tomorrow, I’ll be brave.

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