Hello there. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve neglected you, haven’t I? I’ve been distant and preoccupied with other things. I didn’t make you a priority and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Can we fix this and get back to the way things were? Is it possible? Did I mention I was sorry? Did I apologise?
Well, how long has it been? Three months?! Are you sure it’s been that long? That’s longer than I imagined. If only I had known. If only you had told me. Will you give a chance to explain? Did I have my chance; did I blew it?
The short version is that I lost my inspiration. It just disappeared. I had nothing to say; no words to write. But if you’ll give me a chance to make things right, I can’t promise I’ll check in and post something every day but what I can promise is that I’ll be better. Because it’s been a lonely life without you. And you know how I get when I let my toughts run wild and free in my head.
…I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet to go over everything. They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing. Hello, can you hear me? [Hello by Adele]
My deepest apologies but I’ve been living off-the-grid for some time. After I completed my MA dissertation I needed time to heal. I never came back after nine days. When I finally escaped the zone, I found myself prisoned in a new one. Finishing my dissertation completely drained by battery; thwarted my inspiration and I didn’t feel like spending any more time in front of a computer. For while I went back to reading and stopped writing. Fifteen thousand words killed my inspiration. I lost my voice; my inspiration. I forgot how to write. Creating sentences with words was no longer an art I could master.
I’ve been absent for a very long time. I made a promise I couldn’t keep. I fell down a rabbit hole and ended up far away from Wonderland. There was no Queen of Hearts screaming “Off with their heads!”. Neither a rabbit with a pocket watch nor a mad hatter challenging me with his riddles.
Do you know me? Do you know my name? You might think you do but you don’t. If you were to guess: Where do you think I’m from?
I took the anonymity of the World Wide Web for granted. Thought I could hide. For a moment I thought everyone I knew was reading the words I wrote and published. Paranoia got a hold of me. But I have remained anonymous. My cover has not been blown. You don’t know my name or my story.
There’s no excitement any more. No recognition of the hard work I do. No grades. No evaluation. Just people who think they’re better than me. I want out. I’m counting down the days. Till the end of April, they told me. I’ll hold you to it. Come May, I’ll be gone. I applied for a new job. I got a job interview this week. Hopefully, the outcome will be entirely positive. Edit: I got the job!
Once again I find myself at a crossroad and I don’t know which road to take. Do I go left, right or perhaps I should go straight ahead?