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I’m back? (take two)

Hello there. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve neglected you, haven’t I? I’ve been distant and preoccupied with other things. I didn’t make you a priority and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Can we fix this and get back to the way things were? Is it possible? Did I mention I was sorry? Did I apologise?

Well, how long has it been? Three months?! Are you sure it’s been that long? That’s longer than I imagined. If only I had known. If only you had told me. Will you give a chance to explain? Did I have my chance; did I blew it?

The short version is that I lost my inspiration. It just disappeared. I had nothing to say; no words to write. But if you’ll give me a chance to make things right, I can’t promise I’ll check in and post something every day but what I can promise is that I’ll be better. Because it’s been a lonely life without you. And you know how I get when I let my toughts run wild and free in my head.

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Hello, it’s me…

…I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet to go over everything. They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing. Hello, can you hear me? [Hello by Adele]

My deepest apologies but I’ve been living off-the-grid for some time. After I completed my MA dissertation I needed time to heal. I never came back after nine days. When I finally escaped the zone, I found myself prisoned in a new one. Finishing my dissertation completely drained by battery; thwarted my inspiration and I didn’t feel like spending any more time in front of a computer. For while I went back to reading and stopped writing. Fifteen thousand words killed my inspiration. I lost my voice; my inspiration. I forgot how to write. Creating sentences with words was no longer an art I could master.

I’ve been absent for a very long time. I made a promise I couldn’t keep. I fell down a rabbit hole and ended up far away from Wonderland. There was no Queen of Hearts screaming “Off with their heads!”. Neither a rabbit with a pocket watch nor a mad hatter challenging me with his riddles.

Do you know me? Do you know my name? You might think you do but you don’t. If you were to guess: Where do you think I’m from? 

I took the anonymity of the World Wide Web for granted. Thought I could hide. For a moment I thought everyone I knew was reading the words I wrote and published. Paranoia got a hold of me. But I have remained anonymous. My cover has not been blown. You don’t know my name or my story.

There’s no excitement any more. No recognition of the hard work I do. No grades. No evaluation. Just people who think they’re better than me. I want out. I’m counting down the days. Till the end of April, they told me. I’ll hold you to it. Come May, I’ll be gone. I applied for a new job. I got a job interview this week. Hopefully, the outcome will be entirely positive. Edit: I got the job!

Once again I find myself at a crossroad and I don’t know which road to take. Do I go left, right or perhaps I should go straight ahead?