There is one thing that is always certain and that is after Sunday comes Monday. A new week; a fresh start. I’ve been trying to be a good student but this cold I’ve been battling had me confined to bed pretty much all of last week. Runny nose, sore throat, headache, and perhaps a bit feverish. But I’m better now. It should be a good sign that all I want is to put on my trainer’s and go for a long walk in the fresh air. But it will have to wait until Wednesday.
Christmas came and went, 2014 ended with a big bang (and fireworks of course), I’m back in London and it’s time to get back routine and structure. I’ve been back a week already and I spent last week trying to find my way back to my old self. I’m slowly getting there.
So far, my new computer has mostly been used to binge watch TV-shows. Now I’m ready to formally start a new semester [it actually started last week with lectures but I start the reading this week]. This semester is going to be harder than the last one. Fewer weeks and more work. But I’ll make it.
2015 has so far not been an inspiring year. There’s been nothing to write about, nothing has sparked my inspiration. Not even the wine bottle I bought and drank on Saturday helped. I’m too happy. I write best when I’m in my dark place and I’m not. And I’ll admit that it’s pretty good.
Monday. I used to hate them. Now they represent a new start and a new week. Cheers to Monday, and cheers to a new week!
Sometimes you need to be alone, in order to find out who you really are and what you really want.
It felt like I had gotten lost but along the way I found myself. I found the courage to be myself. I discovered the way to happiness. I searched for so long and never realized that the answer was simple. I have to let go of the past; what people thought of me doesn’t matter. What people think of me doesn’t matter. Who are they to judge me? What gives them the right to judge me? They don’t know me; they don’t know who I am – who I was. Why should I let people label me when they don’t know me?
I have survived my entire life up until this point. I survived the pain, the heartbreaks, the devastation, and the bullying. I survived all the different phases in my life up until this point and here I am; stronger than I ever have been. Why should I let the past define who I am today; how I act today? I survived the past and now it’s time to let go, and move on. Create memories to replace the nightmares.
Look at me, there has to be something more than what they see; wholesome and pure, also scared and unsure. A poor man’s Sandra Dee. Sandy, you must start anew. Don’t you know what you must do? Hold your head high, take a deep breath and sigh “Goodbye to Sandra Dee”.
So fuck them. Fuck them all. I’m going to walk with my head held high and show them all. I’m going to show them that the shy and quiet girl is gone. She doesn’t exist anymore. I want so much in this world but I won’t get it by being shy and quiet. Not sit idle by and wait for love or other great things to happen. If I don’t go after what I want, I’ll never have it.
Beauty isn’t just looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is your personality. Beauty is your heart. Beauty is you. There isn’t just one definition of beauty same as there isn’t only one model of what’s beautiful.
It’s not just about the dream. Anyone can dream a dream. But a dream is only a dream. If you want it to happen, make it happen. Don’t just dream it, night after night. Do something about that dream. Make your dreams real. I believe in you. You can do it; time to be brave; time to be courageous. This is your life; live it!
I’m not perfect. I never will be. I am me and it’s exactly who I want to be.
They might try to tell you how you can live your life. But don’t, don’t forget it’s your right to do whatever you like. ‘Cause you could be your own spotlight. You could be the star, you could shine so bright. You could be your own spotlight.