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Summer 2015

Some days people in general just annoy me. People who routinely slam the door shut when leaving or entering the hall. Especially, at five o’clock in the morning. People waiting for the bus but doesn’t move from where they’re standing to let other people pass. Come one people, the bus is huge and red, I don’t think you’re going to miss it. And it’s not going to drive past you if you move one or two steps.

Today, I’m a little bit angry at the world. Everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong this morning. That’s what happens when your woken up three hours before the alarm, just because people haven’t learned to close the door properly; just because some people think they’re the only one who live in this world. Therefore, I’ve decided to do exactly the same when I leave and enter the hall. I’m going to do it just because I can. And because I want to annoy people as much as they annoy me sometimes.

Other than that I’m pretty happy. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Two weeks and three days; I can do it! Why can’t I do it? With a little hard work, long hours in the library, some more work before bedtime (the library is only open till 7 pm) and I’ll be fine. Really. So, what if I don’t have a social life in the following two weeks and three days. This has been the ultimate goal all along. I’d rather work hard and submit something I’m proud of – something I can stand for – instead of thinking I could have done more! As long as I get my coffee, I’ll be fine. Let’s do this.

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Procrastination

Here’s the thing: I’m supposed to be writing my 2500 word essay which is due on Friday. Instead I’ve cleaned the bathroom, vacuum and dusted my bedroom; finished watching the movie I started last night; watched an episode of House of Cards; then went down to the local shop and bought Pepsi Max, 3 Kinder Chocolate bars, a bag of popcorn, a Capri-Sonne, and a small bag of mixed root vegetable crisps. It’s not like I haven’t written anything. I just don’t know where to go from here. Instead, I’m procrastinating. I’ve read one article and now I feel like taking another break. Watch another episode of House of Cards. I’m starting to see the problem with Netflix. The problem with Netflix is that the next episode will start in x seconds and I’m not fast enough and the episode has started before I reach the computer. So I let it play.

Now, that I’ve actually managed to drag myself up from the comfort of my bed and sit in front my computer, there’s so much I have to check before I can start writing. Tidy up my e-mail inbox, check Facebook, the news, Twitter, We Heart It, or what I really want to is crawl up under the blanket with a cup of tea and read one of the books I treated myself to yesterday. Going in to a Waterstone’s just to have a look is never a good idea. First of all, I spend too long just looking at the books. Second, I can never decide which ones to get. Third, I never leave a Waterstone’s without having bought at least one book.

I’m doing it. I’m opening the bag of popcorn and I’m going to watch an episode of House of Cards. I guess my head just isn’t it in today. At least I’ve written something, it’s basically just needs to be put together and add some paragraphs. It should be fine. And I do write better under pressure anyway.

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Mantra

Because in the end it’s all going to be worth it. That’s why I do it. I can do this. I’m smart. I’ve seen it before: hard work does pay off. This isn’t for fun. It’s going to be worth it in the end. Someday, my hard work is going to pay off! And then, all the haters can hate all they want and regret they didn’t make anything of themselves. 

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BRB

Until I get my three essays and two presentations done I’ll be temporarily out of office. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. My head has switched writing mode to academic writing. And my computer is broken which kind of complicates things. I’ll be back when I’ve finished all my assignments for this semester and have a new computer.

Until then, may the odds be ever in your favour….

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December 1st, the 335th day of the year. 30 days till New Year’s Eve. January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October and November all flew by so fast. Now, December is here and it’s this year’s last. Soon the year 2013 is over. It goes down in history as the year I changed. I’ve changed in so many ways I can’t begin to explain.

Thick, black smoke comes out from the chimney and rise in the sky. It is barely visible in the dark night. White snow glitters in the light of the street lamps. The wind is getting more aggressive and is blowing cold snow in her face and biting her chin. Stars are shining in the clear sky. For a short moment she imagines herself being somewhere else; another place, same time.

December 1st became December 5th, the 339th day of the year. 26 days till New Year’s Eve. The days since Sunday have flown by. I’ve spent most of the hours since then studying at the library, working out at the gym and sleeping. In between I’ve eaten some food; drunk some water and several cups of coffee. That’s life when you’re a student. It’s not a bad life but it can be pretty exhausting. You feel your powers drain by the minute; your body aches from sitting still on a chair all day. You fall asleep the minute your head hit the pillow. That’s how tired you are. You’re worn out, have pushed yourself too hard for too long. When you wake up in the morning all you can think of is the hour you can go to bed again.

She’s longing for days when she can sleep in. Days when no alarm is going off; days when there are no pages to read or exams to study for. One more week to go; she can do this. Hell yeah, she can do this!?

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I got so caught up in the moment that I forgot I was tired. I forgot the time. I forgot I was listening to music. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. Instead of studying I changed the focus; instead I focused on my future. I used the evening to think – to debate. And I think the voices in my head are finally in agreement. We’re going to do this and even though it’s scary we’ll do it together.

I think my lifelong dream might come true if every piece of the puzzle find its rightful place. If I only dare to take this step my dream will come true. How I wish my dream would come true. This, ladies and gentlemen, is all I’ve ever dreamed of. And I will make it happen. The future is mine, and mine alone!

Dream it, wish it, do it!

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Every once in a while it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to stay inside, on the couch and watch TV; and drink cups of coffee. Even though there are exams to study for.

But while you stay on the couch all day, watch TV, and drinking cups of coffee you build up all this energy.  You feel the need to do something.  You get restless.

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There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire; the other is to gain it.

Once again you’ve managed to get trapped and be fooled by love. You don’t understand why you never learn. All love has ever given you is heartache and tears; and plenty of walks in the rain – because then no one can see you’re crying. You ask yourself why you haven’t experienced the greatness of love yet; the excitement of being in love with someone who’s in love with you. Time after time you’ve given up on love but then as time goes by you find yourself back at the starting point. You think maybe it’s time you got out of the circle you find yourself in and find new ways to go.

Love has never been easy; not for anyone. It certainly has broken your heart a numerous times. So why do you always let love trap you? One reason is probably the feeling that comes with it; the feeling that you’re high on life. You smile all the time. You don’t eat because of the butterflies flying around in your stomach. You drag yourself to school because you might see him because seeing him makes your day. But it’s just a crush; nothing more and out of fear you won’t do anything about it. With your past in the back of your mind you don’t do anything about it. But one day might have changed it all. You find yourself in a situation. Studying in the library and suddenly he sits down above you. You look at him in secret when you know he’s not looking; you steal glances at him when he’s busy reading. The moment he looks up; you look away pretending you’re reading something important – something interesting.

He’s the one you told your friend looked too young. But as the day goes by his looks grows on you; he’s cute; seems like a nice person; doesn’t really look that young or maybe you’re blinded. He’s strong; tall. During the day you drink coffee; lots of coffee; strong coffee. It makes you feel drunk and apparently has the same effect on you as alcohol. You become brave. Your stares become longer. I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. Then suddenly you stare a moment to long and your eyes meet. You quickly look down. But you’re not defeated. It happens again. But you forget to smile. It haunts your mind; your weird behavior.

Then Friday comes; you’re back at school. Coming back from lunch he walks by, turn his head and smile. You wish you had the power to rewind. Rewind and play it again; and again; and again. Maybe in slow motion; analyze where he was looking. Was he looking at you? Was his smile meant for you? Did you meet his eyes and smile back? Stop this. Just stop this. Stop this overanalyzing shit. Go back to studying. Get your mind over on something else. It was probably just a fraction of your imagination. You probably just saw what you wanted to see.