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December 1st, the 335th day of the year. 30 days till New Year’s Eve. January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October and November all flew by so fast. Now, December is here and it’s this year’s last. Soon the year 2013 is over. It goes down in history as the year I changed. I’ve changed in so many ways I can’t begin to explain.

Thick, black smoke comes out from the chimney and rise in the sky. It is barely visible in the dark night. White snow glitters in the light of the street lamps. The wind is getting more aggressive and is blowing cold snow in her face and biting her chin. Stars are shining in the clear sky. For a short moment she imagines herself being somewhere else; another place, same time.

December 1st became December 5th, the 339th day of the year. 26 days till New Year’s Eve. The days since Sunday have flown by. I’ve spent most of the hours since then studying at the library, working out at the gym and sleeping. In between I’ve eaten some food; drunk some water and several cups of coffee. That’s life when you’re a student. It’s not a bad life but it can be pretty exhausting. You feel your powers drain by the minute; your body aches from sitting still on a chair all day. You fall asleep the minute your head hit the pillow. That’s how tired you are. You’re worn out, have pushed yourself too hard for too long. When you wake up in the morning all you can think of is the hour you can go to bed again.

She’s longing for days when she can sleep in. Days when no alarm is going off; days when there are no pages to read or exams to study for. One more week to go; she can do this. Hell yeah, she can do this!?

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Dark times are coming. Dark times are here. It’s dark when my feet hit the cold floor in the morning; it’s dark when I leave the library and walk the short way home.

‘Tis the season to be jolly

It’s the season to stay inside, curl up on the couch under a blanket, light the fire and watch some TV with a cup of hot chocolate. No, scratch that. Neither do I have a fireplace nor do I have the time to watch TV. And a cup of hot chocolate late at night will only mess with my sleep.

It’s the season to spend 10-12 hours at the library; studying. Then while everyone else spends their evenings inside, curled up on the couch under a blanket, enjoying the warmth from the fire; I go for a walk. I love feeling the cold wind bite my cheek; see my breath turn into smoke.  And it helps clear my head after long hours inside, reading at the library. Clear my head; make it ready for sleep.

All of the perfection, nothing will and can be made
The old skin has to shed before the new one sees the day
Opportunities to find the deeper powers in ourselves
Comes when life is breathing and seems more than what it is

~ Cape of Our Hero by Volbeat

I wish people could see the girl who comes to life inside the four walls of my apartment. I wish I could bring her with me outside. But every day she stays at home. You see, she’s afraid to go outside. Afraid people would make fun of her; think she’s weird. But I think she’s awesome. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I have nothing to be afraid of. Why care about what strangers think? They’re just strangers.

Maybe it’s time to force her outside? Maybe it’s time to realize that she and I are one and the same? That where I go; she goes too. I can’t hide her away anymore. She is who I want to be; she is who I want people to see. I’m not crazy. I’m just a little weird. I’m a victim of my own mind.

In my perfect world you’re happy with me
When I picture it, it’s all heavenly
But this fairytale is just a story, see?
Life is such an unpredictable dream…

~ Feel me by Mecca Kalani